What Are You Going to Do with That? |
A theatre major's desperate attempt to find happiness, financial stability, and a reason to crawl out from under the covers. |
I love that right now I have tabs open on Firefox ranging anywhere from Ravelry, a knitting and crochet community website, to Pandora Radio set to a station based off of “Club Can’t Handle Me,” which, in case you are wondering, is my jam. And let’s not forget the side by side tabs of an eBay search for Disney couture jewelry and the sale page of Vera Bradley. I am a freak.
Also, I caved and bought Girl Scout cookies today. Those girls are manipulative. Not only were they adorable in their little outfits, and happened to be dancing around with signs outside of the grocery store, but I heard them singing “Winter Wonderland” and as I got closer, I realized that they had changed the lyrics to talk about cookies. How cute is that?! So somehow, though I really don’t remember it, I came home with a box of Do-Si-Dos. Those girls were like Dr. Facilier - they’ve got friends on the other side.
… and yes, I watched The Princess and the Frog today. For the millionth time. Worth it.
P.S. - I feel like I have gotten completely off the topic that I set out for this blog to have, which was the terrible job and role search that I have been doing lately. I think I felt like I was being too whiny. Humph.
Dear AWFUL ARTISTIC DIRECTOR THAT SHOULD BE FIRED,
I am perplexed. First, I schedule an audition with you and am informed that there will be no callbacks following the audition. Second, I give you a great audition in a fabulous dress surrounded by people giving (what I like to think were) mediocre auditions in (what I know were) terrible audition outfits - we’re talking slashed up jeans here, people. Third, I wait patiently for nearly a month, assuming after week two that you have decided not to cast me, but because you are EGOTISTICAL, UNPROFESSIONAL AND GENERALLY SUCKY, you will of course not inform me of this choice. Sidenote - how do you run an entire theatre company if you cannot possibly handle the arduous task of sending out an email that says “Thanks, but no thanks”? Really, I wonder, because you certainly have enough time to put product in your hair. EMAIL ME BACK, MORON.
Ahem. Anyway. After those three steps, I become content with the fact that I will not be in your shows, and since you were only counting on one audition and have no callbacks, then I can rest easy knowing that I gave a good audition and it was all I could do.
But alas, this isn’t true, is it? For some reason unknown to me, I must have been lied to, because I log onto Facebook (EVIL WEBSITE) and learn that one of the least talented “actors” I know has been called back for you. Um… what? Excuse me? I was told there would be no callbacks… and not only was that a filthy lie, but you’re calling back failures? I guess I should be flattered because I must not suck enough for your callbacks (and please, take the word “suck” in every context that you possibly can, because I mean it that way).
I shouldn’t be surprised, really. I remember last year thinking, “You cast her? She’s dumb as a rock and looks like a porn star.” Aha… a theme seems to be developing.
Dear Blackberry,
You knew this day was coming. I’m sorry it had to end this way, but you couldn’t have thought I’d stay much longer after your space bar broke and I had to copy and paste spaces into text messages. I will always cherish you for being my first smartphone, but let’s face it, my old Nokia was smarter than you are. So I’m leaving you for the iPhone. Today.
Sincerely,
Jessica
P.S. - I’m going to miss your Brickbreaker so much. Please know that.
Pancakes for dinner = success. I may also make stuffing for lunch tomorrow because it’s my favorite and I have decided that if I am going to sit at home all day unemployed, I might as well enjoy it, damnit. Because let’s face it, I’m going to get a job eventually and then I’ll work for two days and start whining about how busy and stressful my life is and wishing desperately that I could go back to having nothing to do.
In other news, I may go see Justin Bieber: Never Say Never tomorrow. Because I can. And because you know I’ll be singing along to the whole thing.
HA!
(Source: damnthatswhack)
In case you don’t want to read my newest entry… just watch this. It’s worth it. In fact, watch it 3 times in a row. Thank me later.
If this post is delusional… forgive me. I’m running on about four hour of sleep and strongly believe that the only thing that would help fuel me is an Oreo Blizzard from Dairy Queen. But standing up is daunting, so… no Blizzard = delusion.
I feel like I’m becoming the “Debbie Downer” that happy people always tease normal people about being. I’ve written four blog posts since beginning this little adventure and I’m pretty sure if they weren’t downright depressing, they were at least laced with bitterness. And why? I’m not a bitter person, really. I have my bitter moments, and perhaps I’ve been having an excessive amount of them lately, but I swear, for anyway reading this who may not know me that well - I AM A HAPPY PERSON. Really. You want examples? I own a hula hoop called The Ninja that I occasionally rock out with, lately while listening to Justin Bieber and Kesha. I get downright giddy over knitting patterns. I believe milkshakes to be the true meaning of life. I love nail polish, especially glitter and bright yellow. I am not a Debbie Downer… I’m an irritatingly chipper person who believes that there is love and goodness in the world.
But lately the world has been punching me in the face, and I’ve been reading a whole lot of Jen Lancaster, so I’ve become Bitter, party of one. And I have to admit that I’m starting to worry. I had my first full-blown panic attack last night… I’ve had some intense moments of anxiety before, but this was unreal. I started to shake, my head spun, I couldn’t breathe, and my chest tightened like my heart was shutting down. A word of advice? If you haven’t had a panic attack before, don’t go for it. It’s not the best of times. Go for the Blizzard instead.
Why am I writing this? I don’t know. Catharsis? Some sick hope that someone will see this and it will matter to them? Maybe I’m the next Jen Lancaster (please, if you don’t know who this is, Google her, find her books, and read them immediately) and I just need to start writing. Whatever my motive, if you happen to be brave enough to read my ramblings, forgive my Debbie Downer moments and know that really, I’m probably just grumpy because I haven’t had my daily dose of Bieber Fever.
Why do opportunities have to collide with one another? I know this sounds like a whiny question, but really… why is everything always a conflict? Is it really that unreasonable to want it all?
I finally got what I wanted today - I got a job. A great job with a great company. A job that I have been pursuing since December, and a job that I have wanted since well before that. It might not be my dream job, and it might not be the best paid, but all I have done for weeks now is whine about how I can’t get a job so I should be downright ecstatic, right?
But I’m not. And as I sat around watching Say Yes to the Dress (shut up) and trying to figure out why I wasn’t jumping up and down on my couch like Tom Cruise, it hit me - I am paralyzed by the idea of making a decision. Yes, the job is great, but taking it means that I’m here. I’m in Colorado. And it’s home, and my family is here, and it’s great… but am I going to be able to make any progress here? Right now, I’m living with my parents and not making a cent. I’m auditioning for everything I can, and getting pretty much nowhere in that respect. Okay, that’s a lie… I’ve gotten two offers. But one was for an unpaid chorus role that would require 40 minutes of driving each way to rehearsals, and the other was for a lead role that would require 45 minutes of driving each way to rehearsals AND a $100 production fee. Other than that, I seem to have fallen off the face of the earth, since the other companies I’ve auditioned for have felt no need to contact me for weeks.
Needless to say, it’s hard to get psyched to take a low-paying job that (this seems to be a trend) requires a lot of driving so that I can continue living with my parents and feeling like I’ve given up on my dreams. But am I psyched at the possibility of moving to LA in May which was the plan until I started freaking out? It comes and goes. I must admit that I’m tempted by sunshine, Trader Joe’s, and BEING THAT CLOSE TO DISNEYLAND ALL THE TIME… but let’s face it, if I’ve had trouble finding a job and virtually no luck landing a role here in Colorado, I am royally screwed in Los Angeles, where a lot more people are in the same position. And I have to admit that I don’t want to rule out the possibility of moving back to Orlando, because as much as I hated working at Jungle Cruise most of the time (no offense to some of the great people I worked with), I am lame and predictable and I have missed it a lot lately.
So what do I do?
Dear theatre-I-auditioned-for-that-will-remain-nameless,
I consider myself a relatively patient person. If you say you need some time before you can notify me about callbacks, I understand. But it’s been a week now, and I need to attempt to plan my life, which is difficult considering that you are splitting your callbacks into two days for several hours each day. And I did, in fact, give you one of the best auditions of my life, and you laughed out loud at my monologue and seemed pleased with my availability… did you mean to give me false hope? Was that fun for you?
I sent you an email asking about callbacks… you never answered. I just called to ask about callbacks… you never answered. I’m starting to feel a little bit ignored. Did your theatre dissolve in one week? If so, I’m terribly sorry. But I bet your internet still works so WHY HAVEN’T YOU EMAILED ME?!!!!!!!!
Much love,
Jessica
